How to Get the Respect You Deserve
Wondering why she’s not giving you the respect you deserve? You might be surprised by the reason …
If you’re frustrated that you can’t get your wife to listen to what you say or care about what you want …
And she does that thing where she ignores what you’re saying when it doesn’t suit her own agenda …
Or minimizes things that are important to you …
Maybe she has her own narrative and no matter how much something bugs you, she just rolls her eyes and goes on her merry way …
If any of this sounds familiar, you will not want to miss the 3 tips I share in today’s article.
- She disregards the budget and buys things they can’t afford
- She ignores her husband to play games on her phone
- She disrespects her husband’s dislike for condescending nicknames
These complaints don’t seem to have a lot of common ground, but they’re all actually dealing with the same problem … Holding Frame.
Hold a Strong Frame with Your Wife
When She Doesn’t Give You the Respect You Deserve
Are you a go-with-the-flow kind of guy with your wife, thinking that’s what you’re supposed to do?
Are you great at setting boundaries at work or with other men yet struggle with holding a strong frame with your wife?
The danger is that when you don’t keep a strong frame with her, she starts thinking she doesn’t have to respect what you want.
And that sets into motion a chain of disrespect that ultimately leads to a loss of attraction and a lackluster bedroom.
But, what does it even mean to hold a strong frame …
- A rigid structure that surrounds or encloses something such as a door or window
- A basic structure that underlies or supports a system, concept, or text.
In the context of your marriage, your frame refers to the way you show up with your wife … the boundaries you set, the behavior you accept, and how strongly you present yourself.
How do you come across to your wife, to your kids, to your co-workers? Do you come from a place of weakness or of strength?
Are you sure of yourself and what’s acceptable to you? Are other people able to affect your frame or do you hold steady no matter how the people surrounding you act?
Frame is the invisible structure that underlies every interaction you have with another person.
Strong Frame Ends in Sexual Desire
Here’s why frame is so important to your marriage & sex life.
How strong your frame is determines how much respect your wife has for you (and how much you respect yourself!).
But the strength of your frame also impacts your wife’s attraction.
Not Getting the Respect You Deserve
It can seem kind of counter-intuitive, but the more agreeable you are … the more you give in to her because the issue just doesn’t seem all that important to you …
… the more you let her set the course of a discussion … the less respect she gives you.
You see yourself as simply being ‘easy-going’ but she reads it as you displaying low value.
By trying to do the ‘right thing’ and acting like a nice guy, you are undermining her respect for you and thus her attraction!
This probably seems a little crazy to you but remember that she’s not like you. Women are a whole different animal from men!
Women Only Want Sex with Men They Respect
It doesn’t really matter how ‘hot’ you are, or how much she loves you, or what a good person or provider you are …
Women only want sex with men they respect.
Men they respect.
It goes something like this …
A strong frame inspires respect ➙ Respect engenders attraction ➙ Attraction gives rise to sexual desire
So, holding a strong frame with your wife leads to stronger attraction and better sex.
Even though setting strong boundaries may feel uncomfortable to you at first and will likely surprise and even anger her in the moment …
Holding a strong frame with your wife has huge long-term benefits!
3 Ways to Present a Strong Frame
Getting the Respect You Deserve
There are 3 things you can do to present a stronger frame with your wife and get back the respect you deserve.
- Know What You Want
- State What You Want
- Make It Stick
1. Know What You Want
The 1st step is simply thinking about what outcome you want to see.
This seems redundant, doesn’t it? Why would you have to identify what you want?
Here’s the thing I’ve noticed with ‘nice guys’.
A nice guy is so used to deferring to his wife, he can get to the point where he doesn’t even realize when he’s giving in and giving up something that’s important to him.
Instead, he does this kind of ‘silent seething’ where he always has a baseline of irritation and resentment in his marriage. He becomes kind of a martyr, trying to be more and more agreeable so that he can ‘get the prize’, but in the process losing himself.
Avoid ‘Covert Contracts’
So, the first step before jumping into it with your wife is to pull back and decide … what do you think is fair and reasonable?
What are you willing to give in this encounter … not because she might ‘reward’ you with something, but because you think it’s equitable?
In other words, you need to determine your boundaries.
This is harder than it sounds, especially if you’re a ‘go with the flow’ kind of guy.
You may have been giving in to your wife for so long that you no longer recognize what’s fair and reasonable.
Here’s a tip to make it easier … take a step back for a bit and think about what recommendation you would give a friend in a similar situation.
Or what advice a friend would have for you.
You’ve got to break the pattern of appeasement you’ve fallen into and start setting firm boundaries with her.
2. State What You Want
The 2nd step is to come out and state what you want … make a firm statement of what your boundaries are.
Here’s where I’ve got to be honest with you, if you’re used to giving in to your wife on all the ‘little’ stuff, this may be really hard for you.
And your wife is probably not going to like it. In fact, she may be really angry about it. And you’ll start to wonder if you’re making a huge mistake.
You’re not! She may not like it when you set strong boundaries, but she will respect it.
The thing is you don’t need to care whether she likes you! Only whether she respects you.
Women only want sex with men they respect!
3. Make It Stick
The final thing you need to do is to make what you want stick! In other words, once you’ve set your boundaries, don’t back down.
No matter how angry she gets. No matter how nasty she gets. No matter if you lose out on sex that night. Or for the next 3 nights!
No more Go-with-the-Flow Guy!
You’re in it for the long haul. Don’t sacrifice long-term gains for short-term benefits.
Why She’s Not Giving You the Respect You Deserve
Because stating your boundaries but then not sticking to them is worse than not stating them at all!
She loses all respect for you at that point!
Remember, holding frame is all about staying steady in the face of opposition and resistance. That’s what engages her respect!
Sacrifice short-term appeasement for long-term respect.
You’ll respect yourself more. She’ll respect you more.
And sex will get a lot more plentiful!
Attract Your Wife – Weekend Warrior Tip #4: Stand Your Ground
Quickest way to attract your wife? Stand up to her.
Still Avoiding Conflict with Your Wife? Read This!
Are you still avoiding conflict with your wife? You’re losing out on a huge opportunity to increase attraction and connection.
Is It Okay if You Don’t Like Your Wife?
What do you do when you suddenly realize you don’t like your wife? You start setting strong boundaries! Respect soars – and sex thrives!