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Getting Down to the Nitty Gritty

Parts One, Two and Three.

Depositphotos_33871063_m-2015So you’re ready to add some dominance to the bedroom, but you have absolutely no idea what that looks like. You still feel a bit uncomfortable with the whole thing, and you’d really like to go slowly by taking some baby steps toward being more sexually dominant. In this post, I’m going to get more specific about bedroom dynamics, so consider that a warning for the faint of heart.

Caveat:  Not everything works for everyone. Some of these moves will feel arousing to you and your wife, some will be a bust. Watch her reactions rather than her words. If something doesn’t work out the first time, wait a while and try again. Most of all, remember to HAVE FUN. This is a game; enjoy it.

Keeping in mind that dominance is mostly about frame; strong, confident, decisive leadership, here are some specific actions that you can take to heat things up for both of you.


During missionary, take her hands and hold them above her head. Many women like the feeling of being physically held in place.

Along those same lines, get one of your silk ties, and place both of her hands around it. Tell her not to let go. Then give yourself permission to do whatever you want to her body. If she takes her hands off the tie, put them back on and remind her to leave them there.

Use a blindfold while doing the above to heighten the sensation.

Flip her over to her tummy and nuzzle and gently nip the back of her neck. Remember the neck is tender, so start very softly and ramp up according to her reactions.

Have her stand in front of you and take off her clothes for you. Slow her down and have her do it button by button. Touch and stroke the skin that is being slowly revealed.

Brush her hair for her and then pull her hair back into a ponytail. Use the ponytail to direct her head. Gently, you’re not trying to cause pain. Just pull a bit on her ponytail to get her to lift her face for your kiss, or move her head so that her neck is exposed for you to nibble.

Push her up against a wall to kiss her and grope her. Take her legs and raise them up around your hips. Keep her off-balance, both physically and mentally.

Tell her to bend over the bed for you. Physically guide her body into position.

Don’t ask her; tell her. Give her short instructions…. turn over, stroke this, suck that, etc. Take charge of the action.


Pro Tip:  Studies have shown that women are more sexual and orgasm more easily when they, and especially their feet, are warm. Tell your wife to go take a hot bath beforehand. This will serve a dual purpose in allowing her to relax and warming her up. Bonus …. If you want to see a certain outfit on her, put it in the bathroom and tell her to put it on when she gets out of the bath.

So, that’s it. A few baby steps for you to try along the path of becoming bolder and more confident in the bedroom. Keep it light and keep it fun. Just gradually turn up the heat.

General Caveat:  I need to point out that this post is intended for those couples in a loving, consensual marriage where there is already a measure of attraction on the wife’s part and a high level of trust between both partners.

If your wife isn’t currently attracted to you, these techniques aren’t going to help, and may possibly hurt, your marriage. If that’s your situation, you need to fix the structural issues and build attraction in your marriage first before you start incorporating these ideas. However, if you’ve got a good platform to build on, these baby step will take you to the next level.