The reason so many guys don’t attract their wives is because they’re missing three vital concepts about attraction …
- Attraction Doesn’t Grow Itself
- Someone Has to Take on the Job of Building Attraction
- You’re the One Best Suited for the Job
Attraction Doesn’t Grow Itself
When you first started dating your wife, sex was great! Hot, frequent, fun. The novelty of a new relationship provided all the dopamine you needed for her to be into you.
Dopamine … the pleasure neurotransmitter triggered by novelty and new experiences
It didn’t stay that way, though. Dopamine dropped as routine set in. The excitement and attraction waned, you started getting lots of excuses for why she didn’t want sex, and your hurt, anger and resentment started to build.
You turned yourself inside out to turn her on, to no avail. You didn’t realize you were doing all the wrong things that sapped your energy, but ultimately had no impact on attraction, so you gave up.
Sexual rejection stinks. It’s immensely painful. No one who hasn’t gone through it can understand how soul-deadening it is when your partner doesn’t want you.

Grab Hold of Power
That’s the bad news. The good news is that right now, today, you have the power to intensify attraction in your marriage.
Someone Has to Take on the Job
To strengthen attraction in a marriage, someone has to consciously and intentionally do the things that cause attraction to flourish. Why? Because if no one consciously chooses to make changes, sex and desire stagnate and you end up with a dead bedroom.
Law of Entropy … the natural tendency of things to lose order. Left to itself, everything decays. You must expend energy to fight the downward slide.
Many guys have a tough time with this. They disregard the Law of Entropy. Despite all evidence to the contrary, they want to keep believing the myth that attraction naturally grows on its own, that love equals attraction. It’s simply not true.
Attraction is triggered by dopamine, what we produce when faced with a novel situation or an uncertain outcome. Marriage is the perfect breeding ground for complacency, and complacency is the enemy of attraction.
Left to itself, attraction in your marriage will continue to wither away unless you take specific steps to counter the decline. Luckily, it’s fairly easy to repair attraction and desire once you know what you’re doing.
You’re the One Best Suited for the Job
In your marriage, you are the ideal candidate to take on the responsibility of restoring attraction. This may be a new concept. You may never have thought of it as your ‘job’ to do the things that build attraction.
Why should it be your responsibility, though? Why should you be the one to put forth the effort? That’s a question I get all the time, both in blog comments and in emails. Some guys get really angry at the idea.

The only choice is whether to use your power … or pass it by.
The why of it is four-fold.
The first reason for you to expend energy to attract your wife is that the payoff is huge. To state the obvious, the reason you do the work to attract your wife is because you want a wife who’s attracted.
The second reason is because you’re currently the higher-drive partner. It’s all well and good to apply equality and say your wife should do her share, but here’s the deal. If she’s presently the lower-drive partner and less attracted, she doesn’t care about doing the things that bring more sex. That’s what being unattracted means. The one with the higher drive always has more incentive to change the marriage.
The third reason for taking on the responsibility of building attraction in your marriage is a bit more complex.
Simply put, you are the best-qualified partner to do it because women tend to be responsive to men, and are attracted to very specific behaviors and qualities. Start engaging in those behaviors, and attraction rises.
The fourth reason is that taking responsibility feels good. Taking the job on means taking power. And being powerful is a reward in and of itself.
You know that impotent feeling you have every time she turns you down? That feeling goes away when you finally take charge of the situation.
Seth Godin has a brilliant YouTube video that says it best …
“The brilliant insight that changes everything for people is realizing that responsibility is never given, it’s taken. And if you choose to take responsibility, all these doors open up, and you get a totally different life in exchange.”
Responsibility = Power … the power to get what you want from your marriage. Responsibility isn’t a burden, it’s a gift.
Guys Who Take Responsibility are Powerful
Powerful guys assume responsibility. Women are attracted to powerful men. Hence, when you take charge, your wife becomes more attracted. Simple facts, but life changing when you act on them.
“If You Choose to Take Responsibility, All These Doors Open Up.”
Take responsibility for creating attraction in your marriage and you get the marriage you want. Leave it up to your wife and nothing changes.
You Already Have the Power to Attract Your Wife
Want to attract your wife? Want crazy hot sex?
I can tell you all you’ll ever need to know about attraction in under an hour. That’s the easy part.
The moment of truth is whether you take it upon yourself to act on the information. At this exact moment you already have the power to amplify attraction in your marriage. You can choose to either use that power … or pass it by.
“Responsibility isn’t given, it’s taken.”
Understand that no one will give you a green light; you simply decide to take charge.
Once you make the choice to build attraction in your marriage, a whole new world opens up. Once you start doing the things that attract women, you get the passionate wife and crazy hot sex you’ve always wanted.
The only thing you have to do is … Take Responsibility.
Ready to Get What You Want from Your Marriage?
If you’re ready to change your marriage, here’s what you need to do …
- Take a look at the blog posts in ‘Attracting Your Wife’. Not to be unhumble, but some of them are pure gold.
- Watch Seth Godin’s amazing video about how to get what you want from your life. Never heard of Seth? The man is brilliant. You’re in for a treat.
- Do something for yourself. Stop living for your wife; stop doing so much for her. She’s not the princess and you’re not her butler. Stop orbiting your wife and find an activity you love to do at least twice a week.
- If you’re really ready to go hard core, contact me for private coaching. It will change your marriage.
Taking responsibility. Taking power. It’s a good thing.
Whether or not i want to be i am the one responsible for just about everything around our house. My wife will not make any decisions but she is all to happy to point out if she is not happy with one. So i am held responsible for everything and punished for everything that she questions weather i was right or wrong. We bought a new house recently because she hated the old one and we jointly decided on a new one, or so i thought. The whole thing has been dumped on my lap form all the loan stuff to getting the house ready to sell to all the renovations on the new house. I am held responsible for everything and tho she got virtually everything on her must have list she is not happy with anything. I have been working a 40hr a week job and sometimes much more plus 40hrs a week more on the new house for months and now there is months more to go and she keeps treating me worse and worse. We have had sex now 2 times in 4 months and afterwards it felt like it was just pity sex. And sh has rejected me so harshly a few times i almost thought about ending my life because i felt like absolutely nothing. So in reality i took responsibility for everything and it has ruined my life and i see no end to the torment. I had high hopes for the new house and i feel like it is going to bury me because she refuses to be happy.
@Bumble —
You can’t work that many hours and stay sane. You need more time to have fun, more time to play, and more help.
Start setting boundaries with her.
Rebecca
And please, if you are truly at the end of your rope, reach out for help. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Thank you for your response Rebecca. I have spent large portions of my life working like this. I don’t really know much of anything else. All the things i use to do for fun or play i have been told by my wife were stupid or a waist of money so they have all gone away. It is hard to enjoy something when you are ridiculed for it. So now the only hobby i have left is work. My boss knows i come to work to relax and is very pleased with what i produce. I just wish it was the same at home. I am capable of extraordinary things any can pull off almost anything. I have won several cooking contests, figured out how to build almost any thing but have walked away from all of it because of being harrassed about tiny details of this or that. So i no longer play or have fun. And if i end my life it is not because i am at the end of my rope. It will be because she has divorced me and taken everything i have worked my entire life for. I have given up lots and made many sacrifices for my wife to try to give her the life she wants. But i am finally coming to the realization that nothing is good enough, and never will be.