Wanting Her to Try a New Position in Bed? 3 Simple Steps to Get There

Are you wanting her to try a new position in bed, but she isn’t into it?

It can be really frustrating when it feels like all the fun and adventure have gone out of your marriage and your wife doesn’t seem to have any interest in reviving it.

It’s tempting to let your resentment take hold and either try to push her into doing what you want or simply withdraw from her emotionally.

But trying to push her or guilt her into anything sexual is only going to leave you both frustrated and resentful, and it diminishes attraction even further.

In today’s article, I dive into why she’s stopped wanting to try new things and what you can do to get things back on track.

Here’s how to get the fun back …

Wanting Her to Try a New Position?

Wanting Her to Try a New Position?

When You’re Wanting Her to Try a New Position, but She’s Not into It …

Wanting Her to Try a New Position?

Part 1. Discover the Real Reason for Her Reluctance

Hint – It’s Not about the Position

We women are strange creatures. We’re so different from men when it comes to sex.

Sex is much more straightforward for men because they mostly have spontaneous desire.

Women, on the other hand, tend to have responsive desire. That’s key to recognizing the fact that when it comes to female desire, what she’s willing to do with you sexually is completely dependent on how attracted she feels in that moment.

You know how in real estate it’s all about location, location, location?

For female sexuality, it’s all about Attraction, Attraction, Attraction.

Women can be immensely sexual when attraction is high.

They wear sexy lingerie, they deep kiss you, they’ll twist themselves into pretzel shapes, and have sex in crazy places.

When women are highly attracted, a whole new world opens up between the two of you.

My guess is you’ve seen this in action, so you know that it’s not really about technique, or position, or even specific preferences.

That’s why the things that she was willing to do when attraction was high while you were first dating … have now fallen by the wayside.

Wanting Her to Try a New Position?

So, the very first thing you need to do when you’re wanting her to do anything sexual … whether it’s trying a new position … using sex toys … wearing lingerie … having sex underwater (just kidding on that last part, underwater sex is never a good idea) …

When you’re trying to get her to do *the thing* you love, whatever *the thing* happens to be …

If you’re wanting her to try a new position …

You need to build Attraction first.

Stop focusing on the specific ‘thing’ you want her to do and instead focus on doing the things that increase Attraction.

DON’T Talk to Her About It

When You’re Wanting Her to Try a New Position

There’s so much advice out there on how to get her to open up sexually and try new positions.

You’ll be told to:

  • Talk about it openly
  • Be positive
  • Clarify what you want
  • Explain why you like it
  • Wait for the right moment to bring it up
  • Write it down

Basically, all of it’s wrong.

Just ignore all of that.

Because none of it works. None of that is going to work.

You Can’t Logic Her into Desire

When you’re wanting her to try a new position …

Those articles can only be written by people who have no understanding of female sexuality!

Because it’s not a matter of her not intellectually understanding what you want.

It’s not like out of the ten million times you’ve talked about sex, this time, you’re going to say it in exactly the right way, and suddenly, magically, a lightbulb will go off for her and she’ll be all like, “Oh, now I get what you want,” and she’ll fall back on the bed, legs akimbo, ready and willing.

That’s not going to happen.

Sexuality for a woman is not an intellectual thing. You trying to talk her into wanting a new position or better sex is never going to work. You can’t ‘logic’ her into desire.

Female sexuality is much more primal than that.

It’s not that she doesn’t understand your desires, it’s that she doesn’t share them at the moment.

That’s the bad news.

Building Attraction is Not Complicated

When you’re wanting her to try a new position …

The good news is that it’s completely possible to build attraction in your marriage so that she gets into it.

The concepts are pretty straightforward.

Most men feel like women are very confusing, but female desire is actually ridiculously simple.

The key to it is understanding what drives female attraction and desire, and then doing the things that create primal attraction in her.

Part 2. Build Attraction

Attraction is All about Pull, Not Push

Women are highly attracted to all types of strength … physical, emotional, and leadership.

Attraction is all about pulling her toward you with strength, fun, and positivity.

So, when you come to your wife from a place of neediness or supplication … when you try to push, pressure, or persuade … that’s the opposite of being strong … and that’s attraction kryptonite.

Instead, you want to come to her from a place of strength. You build your own life first, the exciting life she wants to be part of.

You need to be in the position where you want her, but you don’t need her.

Recognizing this puts you in the driver’s seat because you begin to realize that you have control over increasing attraction in your marriage.

Once attraction is high, the problem of her trying a different position solves itself.

(Don’t know whether Attraction is high? Check out Top 10 Signs She’s Attracted.)

Once Attraction is high, you’re ready to move on to the last step – removing the roadblocks that are slowing her down from being more sexually open with you.

But caveat, if you haven’t done the work of building attraction, if Attraction isn’t high enough, nothing in Part 3 is going to help. Or not much, at any rate.

Part 3. Remove Roadblocks

When You’re Wanting Her to Try a New Position

Roadblock #1 – She Wants to Look Pretty

Men are extremely visual when it comes to sex; seeing her naked body turns you on … despite any physical imperfections she sees in herself.

It’s different for a woman, though. She wants things to look pretty, including herself.

Here’s what you do … help her feel pretty so she loses her self-consciousness.

Wanting Her to Try a New Position?

Take the doggy position, for example. For you, seeing her from behind is a sexual turn on. But for her, she hates having sex in doggie position because she’s self-conscious about her tummy fat, especially if she’s had children.

Do this …

Use pillows. Put a pillow or two under her stomach. Tummy fat disappears and she feels pretty.

Or buy her lingerie that you find sexy, but she feels pretty in. Like this outfit from Amazon. It’s short so there’s easy access, but it covers up what she thinks are her problem areas, and she feels a lot more confident.

Use a blindfold. If she’s open to it, put a sleep mask on her. For some women, they’re able to completely relax once they don’t have to worry about the visuals.

Use candlelight. It softens things up and gives her the sense of romance that she craves, but also allows you to have the visual stimulation you enjoy.

Use words. Make sure to praise her lavishly and specifically. Tell her what you like about her body. She may feel shy when you do, but it will increase her body confidence.

Use the right timing. When you’re wanting something more adventurous, plan it for the midpoint of her cycle when her hormones have her feeling good about her body.

Also, time it after the two of you have been physically active so she’s got those endorphins flowing.

Roadblock #2 – She Craves Emotional Connection

Women need emotional connection in order to be vulnerable during sex and try new things.

She can love it when you’re primal, but only when she feels like you value and cherish her.

She needs to know that you want *her*, not just her body.

Another area where men and women are so different.

Wanting Her to Try a New Position?

Put the focus on her, not on you.

She doesn’t want it to be about ‘your needs’, she wants it to be about your overwhelming desire *for her*.

Roadblock #3 – She Wants Adventure … but Only if She Feels Safe 

This is kind of a strange dichotomy, but women love a sense of danger, yet only when they know they’re actually safe.

Think rollercoasters or scary movies.

Women like the feeling of things being slightly edgy, but only when she knows that you’re in control of the situation and will look out for her safety.

So, bring on the intensity, get a bit rough or edgy, as long as she knows you’re not actually out of control and you’ve got her well-being as your priority.

When You’re Wanting Her to Try a New Position

Recognize the Key Differences in Her Sexuality

Once you understand the key differences in male and female sexuality, it’s so much easier for the two of you to get on the same page.

The anger and resentment go away … for both of you.

And the sex gets a whole lot better.

— If you’re in a marriage where you’re wanting more adventure and variety in the bedroom, but you haven’t been able to get your wife onboard, and you want some help with this stuff …

— OR if you have a whole lot more conflict in your marriage than you’d like …

— OR you’re not getting the respect you want from you wife …

— OR you just want some help figuring out how that crazy female mind of hers is working …

Send me a message at [email protected] and just put ‘PRIVATE’. Let’s have a conversation and see if maybe we can help you out.

Building your marriage together …

Wanting Her to Try a New Position?

 

 

P.S. Whenever you’re ready… … reach out to me via the Contact form and let me know what you’re struggling with in your marriage.

 

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