I get a lot of questions about why women don’t initiate more … like men do. Or initiate more like men.
Well, the answer is simple … they aren’t men.
And then I get angsty blog comments like this …
She wanted sex tonight, asked me to come to bed naked after my shower, sent me nudes while i was in the shower.
So why, after all of this, and her blatantly saying she wanted sex, could she not initiate? We layed here and cuddled and kissed and tslked and laughed, and she rolled over after 10 minutes and went to sleep.
This was her day off, and ive had a very stressful 2 days at my low paying job. So why couldnt she initiate sex? She obviously wanted it, more than i did this time, as i was very stressed and tired.
Marriage is 50/50, and, sexual intimacy aside, im already pulling at least 85%, it shouldnt be completely up to me to initiate sex 100% of the time with a 20% success rate.
That thudding sound you hear is my forehead hitting my desk. Because, really? You’ve got a naked woman in your bed. Just bust a move.
It’s hard to know where to even start with this, but here we go.
No Such Thing as 50/50 When It Comes to Sex
Society has taught you to think of women as being just like men … except with breasts and vagina. But it’s a lie. And that whole ‘50/50’ thing? It’s a damned lie. Really.
Whoever came up with that crap had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. There’s no basis for that idea in science, human anatomy, ancient history, or real life experience.
To get the marriage and sex life you want, you’ve got to get two facts straight …
- Women aren’t like men
- There is no 50/50 when it comes to sex
Just toss those two ideas out in the trash along with the quaint notion that politicians have your best interests at heart.
Girlz Are Weird
Take a look at the two statements below. They sound the same, but actually have two different meanings.
- Females don’t initiate more … like men do.
- Females don’t initiate more like men.
The first statement is one of quantity, meaning females initiate less often than men do. That’s fairly intuitive, and we pretty much all understand it to be true, as I talk about in The Secret to Why Your Wife Doesn’t Initiate.
The second statement is a bit more complicated, but then again, so are female initiations. A woman’s initiations, the rare times they occur, don’t look like a man’s. They are typically much more subtle, and much less direct.
Sometimes, it’s as simple as her going out of her way to put herself into close proximity to you. Or wearing the red nightie instead of the flannel one. Or asking oh-so-casually when you’re going to get your shower.
Yeah, I know. Very strange; girlz are weird. But then, you already knew that.
Females Initiate Differently … Both Qualitatively and Quantitatively
When the Tables Get Turned
So, is there ever a time when a woman initiates as directly as a man? Yep, and if you think about it, you already know when. You’ve seen it played out hundreds of times over the years.
A woman initiates like a man …
1. When she’s ovulating
Life finds a way.
Women are wired to want sex when they can get pregnant. Nature’s little trick to perpetuate the species. We know from studies that women dress differently, wear different make-up, and act differently when they ovulate. This is when they’re most likely to cheat on a partner. Incidentally, it’s also the time when they need the highest amount of dominance in order to be attracted.
2. When She’s Drinking
Tequila makes her clothes fall off.
When the alcohol is flowing, all bets are off. Inhibitions and clothing fly out the window. This doesn’t come as a surprise to any of us. There’s a reason men are willing to spend vast quantities of money on drinks for women they’ve just met.
3. When She’s Highly Attracted
This one is obvious once you take a look at how female groupies act toward rock stars and sports stars. They literally throw themselves on the poor guy. He has more women than he knows what to do with … without lifting a finger to initiate. That’s how a woman looks when attraction is high.
So, what to do with all this info? Obviously, you can’t keep her ovulating 30 days out of the month, and keeping her perpetually intoxicated is probably not going to work. That leaves you with Door #3. If you want your woman to initiate more frequently, and more aggressively, the trick is to increase attraction.
Door #3 – If you want your woman to initiate more frequently, and more aggressively, the trick is to increase attraction.
I talk about that in How to Trigger Her Responsive Desire and How to Fill Her Attraction Bucket.
Is she ever going to initiate in the same exact way you do? Well, no. C’mon, you’ve got more than 10 times as much testosterone as she does.
Can you improve the baseline, though? Yeah, once you understand the biology behind her behavior, and start working with it instead of railing against it.