There’s one surefire way to tank your wife’s attraction!
Discover the male behavior that has a dopamine effect on women. And the opposite one that creates an actual aversion response!
Attraction Isn’t a Choice
Beautiful Women Trigger Reward Circuits in the Male Brain
Take a look at this picture. But then again, I didn’t even have to ask, did I? You did it without even thinking.
Looking at a beautiful woman triggers the reward circuitry in your brain.
Your eyes focused on Salma Hayek, and automatically went to her breasts, her waist, and her hips without realizing what you were doing.
Your pupils dilated, your heartbeat accelerated, and your testosterone surged.
What’s more, in about a fifth of a second, your brain decided that she’s hot.
You didn’t consciously think that:
She has an hourglass figure and so is probably fertile …
That her stomach is flat so she’s probably not pregnant with another man’s child …
That she has clear skin and shiny hair, so she’s probably healthy …
All of this takes place just under the surface.
If you’re a healthy, hetero male, all of this occurs without conscious thought or volition because that’s how your brain is wired.
Looking at attractive females triggers the reward circuitry in your brain.
Loss of Attraction Isn’t a Choice
The Rosie Paradox
Now, I want to put a different image in your mind. Conjure up a picture of a fat, angry woman with a crewcut.
Let’s call her Rosie ……….
She actually triggers an aversion response in your brain
Different story, right? If you were looking at a series of pics on a computer screen and came across this picture, you would actually expend effort to make her image disappear faster.
Unattractive females trigger an aversion response in your brain.
So, that makes you pretty shallow and superficial, right? After all, she’s probably a lovely person on the inside. Why can’t you just be attracted to who she is?
Well …. because you can’t. You’re not wired that way. And no amount of effort is going to change that.
Attraction isn’t a choice.
Okay, none of this is exactly brain surgery. So what’s my point?
A Lot of You Are Mad
Here’s the deal. I work with a lot of guys who are struggling to add leadership and confidence in an effort to attract their wives.
And a lot of you are really really angry that you have to make all these changes in order for your wife to want sex with you.
Comments that I hear fairly often ….
“It pisses me off that I have to jump through hoops just to have sex with my own wife.”
“Why do I have to be someone I’m not in order for her to be attracted? Why can’t she just love me for who I am?”
“Why does she have to play these games? Why can’t she just want sex?”
Attraction Isn’t a Choice
Confident Men Trigger Reward Circuits in the Female Brain
Well …. because she can’t.
She’s not wired that way.
Attraction isn’t a choice.
Women are attracted to male leadership and confidence in the same way that men are attracted to Salma Hayek.
Male leadership behaviors trigger reward circuitry in a woman’s brain, and give a tremendous dopamine hit.
The Boomerang Effect
One Surefire Way to Tank Your Wife’s Attraction
When you first start trying to lead your family, you constantly boomerang between the old and new behaviors.
One minute, you’re this strong, confident manly kind of man, but just as attraction starts growing ….
BAM … the old supplicating, indecisive you rears his ugly head.
This is completely normal. These behaviors are all new to you and it’s going to be a struggle to be consistent as you learn.
However, the problem is that for your wife, all of the back-and-forthing gives her whiplash.
Just as she starts feeling a bit of tingly attraction, you suddenly revert back to old, passive behavior that tanked attraction in the first place.
Women respond to male leadership like men respond to images of beautiful women.
And to male indecisiveness like you respond to Rosie.
Picture having sex with your wife. She’s her normal, sexy self. You bend down to kiss her neck and when you straighten up again …
Sexy Wife is gone and there’s Rosie !!!
Argh. What happened? And it happens over and over again. You close your eyes to your pretty wife and open them again to Rosie. It’s enough to give you nightmares, right?
This is what it’s like for your wife when you endlessly morph between the old behavior and the new behavior.
It’s really a struggle to keep the positive momentum going while all these changes are taking place.
The Path to Attraction
So, how do you fix it?
Mostly, it’s just time, trial, and error.
You need to keep working on it and have patience with both of you. As you get more consistent in your behavior, your wife’s attraction will continue to grow.
I see this over and over again in coaching.
The guys who have a firm understanding of what behaviors drive female attraction and are the most consistent with the new leadership behaviors make much quicker progress than the guys who boomerang back and forth.
It can be especially difficult for a man who’s struggled with energy and is just making his way back. In those situations, especially, it’s a matter of consistently practicing the new behaviors.
Above all, the most important thing is to understand what’s going on and accept that it’s a process.
Give yourself and your wife room to make mistakes. The mistakes are what help you learn. Keep practicing and you’ll get there. 🙂
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