So, your husband was low T for years and finally decided to address it, and now his T levels are running very nicely in the 700-900’s, but things still aren’t where you thought they’d be, and you’re left going wth?
Sure, his libido has increased and he seems to want sex more frequently. His erections have gotten better and he seems to enjoy sex while it’s happening, but ……..
Where’s that raw, heart-pounding passion that he used to have? Where is the ‘I’ve just got to have you’ guy he used to be? Why does he wait for you to initiate instead of jumping you when you get home? And why aren’t you happy now that you’re getting sex every couple days? After all, that’s what you’ve said you’ve been wanting all these years.
There’s a little secret about being a wife in a low T marriage.
The secret is that it’s not about sex.
It’s all about desire.
I know. That takes a few minutes to absorb, doesn’t it?
It’s not really about sex. If it were, you’d be fine with your Mr. Friendly vibe and a few double A’s.
The wife in a low T marriage could possibly live without the sex. Sex plays into it, of course. There are those nights where you lie next to him, aching and throbbing and all you really want is a hard pounding. But that’s just a small portion of it. After all, there are multiple ways to get an orgasm.
What you’re needing, what you’re craving, what you can’t live without is ….. desire. It undergirds every single action on your part. Every time you blow up at your husband because he didn’t initiate in just the right way, or he wasn’t dominant enough, or he didn’t touch you the way you like, or he said to-ma-toe instead of to-mah-to …. every single time, what you needed from him was desire.
Sometimes you feel like there’s not enough desire in the world to fill you up. That if he spent every waking moment for the next 37 years showing his desire for you, it still wouldn’t be enough. But that’s not true. Once he actually learns to consistently show his desire for you, you will be surprised at how quickly that void in you is filled.
It’s tricky at first, because he’s so inconsistent. He shows desire for 3 days, you finally have sex, he experiences his Orgasm Crash cycle, and then nothing for the next 4 days. Or he feels criticized by you, the two of you go into a Death Spiral and he turns into a eunuch for the next 7 days. And every time this happens, you feel like you’re starting over.
The more you criticize, the more you tell him what you want and how he’s doing it wrong, the more he withdraws and the worse it gets.
What’s the solution, then? Is it all just hopeless? Are you doomed never to get the passion and desire you’re craving?
to be continued