You know that thing your wife does where she becomes an octopus during sex, and all of a sudden, it seems like she has eight hands that cover up all the fun parts? And she talks about how fat she is and wants you to turn off the lights and not look at anything?
Yeah … that thing is a serious buzz-kill.
Why does she do that? More importantly, how do you get her to stop?
Well, why she does it is complicated. I’ll get to that in a minute.
But how you can get her to stop is easier … try using a blindfold. I know, that sounds all 50 Shades, but stay with me here because a blindfold is actually a great tool to allow your good girl to feel comfortable getting naked with you.
So how does a blindfold help?
1. Calms Her Body Image Concerns
Most women have serious body image issues. I’m not going to waste time going into all the usual explanations … unrealistic media portrayals of what women should look like, air-brushing, Photoshop, porn, etc. We’ve all heard that topic ad nauseum.
Suffice it to say, if she’s over 13, she’s worried about how she looks naked.
And no matter how hot and sexy you find her body, using words to try and convince her of that is useless.
But once you put that blindfold on and she can’t see anything, a lot of those worries fade away. It’s kind of like a Jedi mind trick in that since she can’t see anything, it feels like you can’t either.
Bonus points for dimming the lights and using candles.
2. Adds Mystery & Excitement
So much of a woman’s arousal has nothing to do with what’s happening to her body and everything to do with what’s happening in her mind. Arouse her mind and her body will follow.
Not being able to see keeps her anticipating your next move and engages her mind. She experiences just that tiny thrill of fear, similar to the feeling of riding a rollercoaster. We know from multiple studies that engaging in high energy/high excitement activities creates attraction in couples. A blindfold provides that little hit of uncertainty that intrigues and excites her.
Arouse her mind and her body will follow.
3. Enhances Sensual Intensity
Men and women are very different when it comes to desire and arousal. Whereas men are highly affected by visual stimuli, touch tends to be more important to a woman’s arousal. Sight deprivation has the effect of making her hyper-aware of physical sensations. When she can’t see anything, she focuses more intensely on what her skin is feeling, heightening her arousal.
But don’t stop with just putting a blindfold on her. Change things up by stimulating her with a variety of objects … feathers, silk scarves, your palms, your fingertips, the backs of your fingers, and fingernails. Each sensation is a little different, especially when all her focus is centered on your touch.
4. Increases Her Ability to Focus
It’s no secret that women have a hard time turning off their minds during sex. I’ve tried to explain it to my husband and the best I can come up with is that there’s just this constant background noise in a woman that never quite lets up. At least, not until she’s well along the path of arousal.
A blindfold helps quiet that buzz for your wife. It helps her turn in on herself and stop thinking and just feel. You may notice that she gets very quiet and somewhat dreamy once she’s wearing a blindfold, a kind of intensely focused state of calm.
There’s just this constant background noise in a woman that never quite lets up.
5. Reduces Her Inhibitions
Now to the question of ‘Why does she do that?’. Why does she struggle so much with her sexuality, with showing you her body?
If your wife is a good girl, she probably has a lot of sexual shame. From the time a girl is about 5 years old, she’s told approximately five million times to close her legs. She goes from never even thinking about her body to realizing that somehow sitting around with her legs sprawled open is not a good thing. She’s not sure why, but the message comes through loud and clear that nice girls don’t do that.
Adolescence hits and the modesty talks begin. No tank tops at school … make sure your shoulders aren’t bare … your skirt should be no shorter than your fingertips, cover up your cleavage, make sure your shorts aren’t too tight with no parts clearly visible … the list of rules goes on and on.
The message is clear … Good girls do not show skin.
And then she gets married and all of a sudden, it’s okay to show skin. In fact, more than okay, she’s expected to display skin. A lot of skin.
And all that talk about keeping her legs closed? That all just went out the window. Now it’s the wider, the better.
It’s tough for some women to make the jump.
In addition, she’s also been taught that ‘good girls don’t do that’ … or if they do, they certainly don’t enjoy it. At some level, she believes that she ought to object or say no to certain things.
A blindfold helps quiet that judgmental voice in your wife’s head so she can relax and allow herself to be ‘done to’. Most good girls tend to have a fairly wide sexual submissive streak. Once the blindfold is on, she’s not in control so it’s no longer ‘her fault’. This gives her permission to let go.
She doesn’t have to worry about what she’s meant to be doing or not doing, or whether she’s doing it right. She finally has the freedom to let her body feel what it feels without feeling bad for feeling it.
I know you’d probably rather take a bullet than wear a blindfold, but when it comes to sex, women are very different from men. Women tend to be attracted when their husband leads in the bedroom. More importantly, they feel more relaxed. When you take charge by putting a blindfold on your wife, you quiet the noise in her head and give her permission to do what you want her to without feeling like a bad girl.
A blindfold means she finally has the freedom to let her body feel what it feels without feeling bad for feeling it.
Okay, you’re ready to give it a shot, but you’re not quite sure how to go about it. What if your wife hates it, what if she freaks out and thinks you’re a perv, what if she never wants sex again?
If you have a very shy wife, move slowly and gauge her reactions along the way. Baby steps are your friend.
- The next time you have sex, wait until your wife is getting into the swing of things, and then try just putting the corner of a pillowcase, sheet, or something soft over your wife’s eyes. Be casual and watch her reaction. If she leaves it there, you know it’s something she’s probably open to.
- The next time, have something ready beforehand … a scarf, one of her camis, a silk tie (although often these are too bulky to work well). Wait until her arousal levels are fairly high, and then tie it gently around her eyes. She may ask you what you’re doing, but don’t take that to mean she doesn’t like it. Calmly let her know that it’s okay, you just want to try something.
- If she’s okay with the first two steps, then move on to a real blindfold. Amazon has some nice silk ones for less than ten bucks, so there’s no need to overthink the purchase.
- As in everything else you try with a shy wife, the most important thing to bringing her along is having supreme confidence. Because women tend to be responsive to their husbands, your confidence releases her from the burden of being a good girl. The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed she can be.
Advanced Blindfold Fun
- Experiment with sensation play … feathers, ice cubes, light stroking, deep massage. If your wife likes you to spank her during sex, intersperse light touches with light spanks. The goal is to keep her guessing as to what will happen next.
- Try playing with food. Mickey Rourke immortalized this in 9 ½ Weeks with Kim Bassinger. It’s clichéd, but effective. Fruit works best … strawberries, kiwi, cherries, grapes.
- A woman’s mouth is extremely sensitive … don’t forget about it. Circle your fingers lightly around her lips. (Vaseline helps them glide easily.) Try stroking your fingers in her mouth or putting her fingers in yours.
- Use scented oil (heat it up in a bowl of warm water) and massage her, starting with very light touches on her arms and legs, gradually moving toward the erogenous areas in her core.
- Her palms, inner arms, inner thighs, and lower back are all erogenous zones that are often overlooked.
- Drizzle oil in unexpected places. Enjoy the way it makes her catch her breath. Nibble her toes. Keep her off-guard and guessing.
Pro tip: Use very light touch on her inner arms and inner thighs; they’re extremely sensitive. You can use a much firmer touch when you massage her feet and her booty. Watch her body language for cues.
So there you have it. The how’s, when’s, and why’s of helping your good girl relax. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.
And Ladies, if you’re struggling with sexual shyness, but have had a tough time explaining your feelings to your husband in a way he can understand, send him a link to this blog post. It will help him to know that many women wrestle with ‘Good Girl’ syndrome, and there are ways he can help you move past it.
Maybe you’d like to step outside your comfort zone and experience more intimacy and intensity, but you don’t know how to take that first step. Maybe you feel too shy to tell your husband that you’d like to try some new things in the bedroom. Read this post together and see if it spurs some creativity. : )