Sexy lingerie.
You love it on her. She used to love it.
How to get her back to that place where she loves wearing lingerie for you?
#Retire the granny panties
When we first dated, my wife had a fair amount of sexy lingerie. Nothing too over-the-top, but some nice stuff.
Over the years, her tastes have changed; the thongs and skimpy things are gone, and it’s cheap cotton panties all the way now. I’ve bought expensive lingerie for her and asked her numerous times to wear it… it just sits in the drawer.
It’s really frustrating! Am I being unrealistic? Does all that just go by the wayside once you’ve been married for 15 years and have 2 kids?
How do I get her to wear sexy lingerie again?”
There’s more to it than just springing a Victoria’s Secret box on her. That never goes over well.
Take a look at the three distinct steps that make her want to wear lingerie for you.
3 Steps for Her to Want to Wear Sexy Lingerie for You
- Discover hidden cues of lingerie
- Build attraction
- Remove roadblocks
Part 1. Hidden Cues of Lingerie
“How do I get her to wear sexy lingerie?”
Wrong question.
It’s not … “How do I get her to wear sexy lingerie?”
It’s … “How do I get her to want to wear sexy lingerie?”
Seems like a subtle difference, but it’s actually huge. Because to get your wife to do anything sexual, you have to go straight to the heart of it. And the heart of it is always Attraction.
Attraction is everything
Women can be immensely sexual. When they’re attracted, there’s no end to what they do.
They wear sexy lingerie, they deep kiss, they initiate, they wrap themselves into crazy pretzel shapes to try new positions; they even do ‘that thing’ you love, whatever ‘that thing’ happens to be.
So, when your wife won’t wear lingerie … or whatever it is you want that she doesn’t … you have to analyze what’s truly going on with her.
The Secret of Sexy Lingerie – a Signal of Sexual Availability
The truth is that wearing sexy lingerie for her guy is a non-verbal signal of sexual availability.
So when you ask your wife to wear lingerie, what you’re really asking her is to be available for sex.
Which is great when attraction is high and she wants sex. But …
In this case, it’s not that his wife’s taste in lingerie has changed; it’s that attraction has dwindled.
And once her attraction waned, she became less sexual. This goes down to the deepest systems in her brain.
Remember that women are wired to not put themselves into sexual situations when attraction is low. It’s one of the more irritating features of evolutionary biology.
Signals of Sexual Availability: Women More Likely to Wear Red for Attractive Romantic Partner
Numerous studies suggest that men perceive females as more attractive and sexually desirable if they are wearing red.
Turns out that women are much more likely to wear red when they expect to interact with an attractive man, but actively avoid wearing red when seeing a man in whom they have no romantic interest.
So, in a sense, that’s the ‘bad news’.
But the good news is that Attraction is infinitely malleable and once you increase Attraction in your marriage, the lingerie vault flings its doors open wide and all of its treasures pour out!
Part 2. Build Attraction
“Over the years, her tastes have changed her attraction has dropped; the thongs and skimpy things are gone, and it’s cheap cotton panties all the way now and she doesn’t want to sexually display herself because her primal brain doesn’t want sex.”
See what happens when you parse it down to the real root cause?
It’s not about lingerie, it’s all about Attraction.
Focus on Attraction, Not Sexy Lingerie
Now, instead of asking, requesting, cajoling, arguing, for her to wear lingerie … and feeling resentful when she doesn’t … you realize that it has nothing to do with lingerie, and everything to do with attraction.
It’s somewhat of a bitter realization perhaps, but it puts you in the driver’s seat because you have complete control over increasing attraction in your marriage.
Once attraction is high, the lingerie problem solves itself.
Don’t know whether Attraction is high? Check here. Top 10 Signs She’s Attracted.
Attraction is All About Pull, Not Push
Trying to push her or guilt her into anything sexual is only going to leave you both frustrated and resentful, and it absolutely tanks Attraction.
Lingerie – a Signal of Availability
Attraction is always about pulling her toward you with strength, fun, and positive energy.
(Luckily, there’s loads of information on increasing attraction in marriage. Start here.)
Without attraction, nothing is possible. When attraction is high, everything is back on the table.
Once Attraction is high, you’re ready to move to the last step.
But caveat, if Attraction isn’t high enough, nothing in Part 3 is going to help. Or not much, at any rate.
Part 3. Remove Roadblocks
The Last Obstacle to Her Wearing Sexy Lingerie
The last roadblock to getting your wife to want to wear sexy lingerie is her body image.
Women are notoriously harsh with themselves over how they look. Much more so than men.
Luckily, it’s pretty easy to get around this. There’s a simple 4-step solution:
4-Step Solution
- Select lingerie
- Use Candlelight
- Time Cycle
- Choose Your Moment
Select Lingerie
Women are typically the most self-conscious about their tummies. Especially if they’ve had children.
What you want to do is pick out something that’s sexy, but also covers her mid-section. Try this one from Amazon.
On a popular woman’s forum, this outfit became known simply as ‘The Dress’ and it was a hands-down favorite with all the women. While still pleasing their guys.
It has the added benefit of being a one-size-fits-all. Nothing as demoralizing to a woman as getting lingerie that ends up being too small. (Yes, I know, Girlz Are Weird!)
It’s comfortable to wear, no scratchy lace or binding parts. Everyone goes home a winner!
You can gradually get more creative with your choices as Attraction increases and her confidence improves.
Note: I have no connection to the company who sells this outfit and don’t profit from it in any way.
Use Candlelight
Guys are extremely visual … to an extent that women don’t quite get.
Candles increase her confidence
She’ll want it dungeon-dark to cover all the imperfections; you’ll want it lighted up like the Braves stadium so you can see all the goods. Sexual dimorphism.
Use candlelight instead. It has a softening effect so will feel more comfortable to her.
Time Cycle
Work with her cycle, not against it.
She is most sexually confident and open during ovulation. Waiting until the end of her cycle when she’s bloated and irritable is never going to end well. (Hormones and neurotransmitters all ebb according to her cycle.)
Choose the Moment
Catch her when she’s feeling confident and playful. Plan your forays into the lingerie vault after physical activity when dopamine is high and she’s feeling good about her body.
Pro Tip: Avoid going there after a Date Night that involves sitting and carb-comas. Too much serotonin, too little dopamine. It’s bound to fall flat.
When Attraction is High, the Sky is the Limit
Most guys have a hard time believing how sexual their wife can be when attraction is high. It seems too good to be true.
But truly, Attraction is king. Your wife is capable of so much more than you know!
Adventures in Lingerie
–Ben S.
The other night, I got an impromptu swim suit show.
She called me into the bedroom so she could ‘model’ her new bathing suits. She said she needed me to help her decide which ones to keep and which to return.
This from the woman who wouldn’t even undress in front of me 6 months ago!
I remembered what you said about female initiations being subtle and realized that she was probably initiating and of course, I had no problem taking her up on that.
Even had her do a few ‘poses’ for me. I don’t think I would have done that even a few months ago.
Thank you, Rebecca! It’s like I’m in a whole different world!
–Mike G.
More fashion shows – from underwear to “what to wear” to work, even shoes – happening almost daily now.
I make sure to always have an opinion. I still get an occasional eye roll, but I tried putting out outfits for her to wear and she does it!
A red thong the other night. Unbelievable!
Here’s to Your Own Adventures in Lingerie!
